My husband told me i dont have a real job


My husband and I have been together for seven years and married for three. We have a 1-year-old daughter together. It took me a long time to get into a relationship; I wanted to find someone I could get along with, but also in-laws I could get along with, because I grew up watching my parents fight about their parents all the time. When my husband and I first met, his family was very kind to me. In fact, his family and I often joke that I married him because his family was so awesome.


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WATCH RELATED VIDEO: HUSBAND Won't Let WIFE WORK, Instantly Regrets It - Dhar Mann

10 Proven Ways to Get Your Husband to Help More with the Mental Load and Chores


How do I get my husband to stop telling me that I make too little money? I am a full-time copy editor at a magazine, making what copy editors make when they first start out in their careers. I love my job and feel that I am well suited for it; unfortunately, the pay is crap you're well aware of this, I believe.

My husband is a first-year attorney at a prestigious firm, earning more than triple my salary. He has worked hard to get where he is, putting himself through law school at night while working a full-time job at a firm during the day for four years.

He grew up without much money, and the result is that he's not only deeply concerned about financial security, he now always wants I'd even say needs the best that money can buy.

He associates with a lot of attorneys whose wives are also attorneys or hold high-paying positions, and these people live it up in a way that we can't. This frustrates my husband and sometimes when we're confronted with this, he'll ask me why I can't get a better-paying job, perhaps go to law school and become an attorney myself. I've told him that comments like these are demoralizing, not to mention unfair, since this is the path that I've chosen for myself and I've worked hard at it -- he just works harder.

He'll acknowledge that his comments are not supportive, but add that that's just the way he feels -- that I'm not working as hard as I could while reaping all the benefits of his hard work. I know it's true that I benefit from our situation while he puts in long hours at a job that's not his passion, but it's not that I've ever asked him for any of this. In fact, I'd rather he switch careers and do something that makes him happier, since it's quite clear that he doesn't love any aspect of his job except for the salary.

But he completely rejects that idea. Sometimes I wonder if maybe he's right. He does half the housework and is a caring and loving husband in every other respect. In fact, I'd say that his disapproval of my career choice is out of character for him -- he's really quite easygoing about most other things and I can't say that we seriously fight over anything else.

Do I need to suck it up, start bringing home half the bacon? Am I being a slacker? My heart tells me no, but maybe that's just because my mind is screaming, "I don't want to work any harder than I have to! There are three interlocking issues here. The first is political -- how two working partners of different sexes apportion the labor fairly. The second is personal -- why he at this particular time seems to have a need for you to make more money, and how you personally respond to that.

And the third is historical -- what family history and long-standing needs are being expressed here. To answer the first question, what is a fair distribution of labor in a marriage partnership between equals, I think the obvious answer is that it should be But of course you have different abilities and different needs, so you make adjustments. And don't forget, you also have a question about how to share in the rewards. So ask yourselves, What is a fair way for both partners to share in the labor and the proceeds from the labor, if each partner's labor is disproportionately rewarded?

If you and he can agree in principle, you will have a common goal of fairness that you are both working toward. You probably cannot answer these questions with certainty and exactitude -- people have been trying to do so for decades! The second question involves a bit of a mystery: Why does he at this particular time need for you to make more money?

You say this behavior is out of character. That suggests that he has recently encountered some new kind of stress that is too great for him to handle in his accustomed ways. Most likely that new stress comes from his job. Since he is a first-year lawyer, he is working long hours under intense pressure to perform at a high level.

That alone can change somebody. But second, he is in a new social realm, and while the work pressure is intense, I am going to guess that it is the social pressure that he is finding most painful. You say he grew up without much money. Many of the lawyers he now socializes with probably grew up quite comfortably. He may find himself a little intimidated though he might not come right out and say so.

Instead, it would express itself as an aspiration: If I only had what they've got, I'd be on top of the world i. He has advanced socioeconomically, but that does not mean he automatically belongs to the club; climbing the ladder in America is not a painless experience; it takes guts; it cannot be done without some sacrifice of confidence and dignity and self-worth.

He is going to feel small and unentitled at times. He is going to be a small fish. So perhaps in addition to a typically murderous workload for a new associate, he is feeling socially inferior, his manhood and status are being challenged, and he has begun fantasizing how nice it would be to have a high-powered wife, a diplomat or movie star, to bring to the party, to bring to the table, to display to his boss.

It would be natural to envy the men who squire rich, beautiful wives to the office functions, to long for the kind of ease and power represented by their addresses and their automobiles. As to the third issue, it would be a mistake to underestimate the power of family history in shaping our attitudes toward work.

Having come from a family with little money, but being quite ambitious by nature, he may have grown impatient with his father and mother, wishing they had made smarter choices and worked harder. It's possible he's responding to you with the same impatience with which he responded to his family. If he thought that once he became a lawyer life would be cleansed of doubt and fear, he may now be dismayed and frustrated at how difficult such transformation is.

When we are under stress we sometimes combine several issues in one symbol. So although he knows better, he may see your job as the one thing that now stands between him and the realization of his grand vision. Perhaps that's overstating it, but it's the kind of thought-knot we can get into when frustrated.

His family history is not the only one that is relevant here. It is likely that you got your values and attitudes about work partly from your family as well. You have different attitudes toward work. You like work for its intrinsic value, how it opens up and magnifies your abilities and your interests; he sees work as a vehicle to survival, status and acquisition.

Neither approach is wrong. Most kinds of work have elements of both. But for him to suggest you take his approach to work instead of your own -- I can see why it is demoralizing. You probably feel it as an attack on yourself -- because your choice of work is an expression of who you are, not where you are trying to get to.

You want more? Ask for advice or make a comment to Cary Tennis. Send a letter to Salon's editors not for publication. Sticky Header Night Mode. Related Topics Since You Asked. Related Articles. Trending Articles from Salon.



9 Things You Should Never Tell Your Man

I just seem to be angry at him all the time, even though he is a great husband and father. Do I need therapy? Is our marriage over? People afflicted by anger know very well how it steals every ounce of happiness, making the goal of marital harmony may feel completely out of reach.

Women have been sharing the moments they decided to walk away from their marriage, with one recounting the time her partner told her to be.

We’re here for you.

Despite advances in gender equity, many professionally ambitious women still struggle to find balance between their career and that of their partner. While these spouses are happy to have successful, high-earning wives, they are often caught off guard by trade-offs they were not expecting. The lesson: Retaining women whether at home or in the office takes skill, self-awareness, and a real commitment to a future in which both members of a marriage get the chance to fulfill their potential. I was at a dinner with eight highly successful professional women recently, ranging in age from 35 to Their stories were typical of research I have been conducting on dual-career couples. One had just been given a huge promotion opportunity in another country, but had struggled for several months to get her spouse to agree to join her. Another had decided that to save her marriage, she would take a yearlong sabbatical and go back to school, giving the family some balance and a breather from two high-powered jobs. A third had tried to work part-time for her law firm but quickly realized she was being professionally sidelined. She opted for a doctorate instead. Her husband continued his career.


Why Am I So Angry At My Husband?

my husband told me i dont have a real job

My friend is spending less time with me. My heart dropped. However, when couples are missing the closeness that they once had and not feeling loved, a lack of time together is a major part of the problem. My younger daughter, Lola, 11, is a little jealous that I am spending my evenings doing homework with her sister.

How do I get my husband to stop telling me that I make too little money? I am a full-time copy editor at a magazine, making what copy editors make when they first start out in their careers.

My Husband Doesn’t Love Me

I have a verbal hangover from something I said okay, yelled during a fight with my husband last night. Something I swore I would never tell him. I know what you're thinking -- that married couples should have no secrets from each other. But I'm here to tell you that's bull. There are certain things you should never tell your husband -- no matter what.


'When my husband told me to shush during labour I knew our marriage was over'

You know what I am talking about. And read my 21 pieces of unsolicited advice for you, the brokenhearted. In our teens, being in the band made a man sexy. I went and confirmed it with an expert. T and author of Relationships In The Raw. She says an ability to make a long-term commitment gives insight into his value system. It also highlights his self-esteem. Give him a reasonable time frame and pay attention to his dedication and energy level.

I just got my husband back through the help of Dr Emwanta love just come back to me and every thing happened just the way he had said it.

Moving for love? Here's some advice from people who've done it successfully

Depending on someone for money is a terrible feeling. Imagine being a grown adult still living at home with your parents. Now imagine marrying someone, giving up your job to raise a family, and being entirely dependent on your working spouse for all your spending needs.


How to Pick Your Life Partner – Part 1

Whether people are single or a couple affects eligibility for benefits and the payment rate. To give you a better idea of what we mean by this, think about whether your relationship includes some of these things:. If you're unsure about whether we would consider you to be in a relationship, contact us. If you're in a violent relationship, or are thinking of leaving one, we may be able to give you extra financial help and advise you where you can go for other support. Please talk with us about it.

My husband often puts me down in front of my family and friends.

9 Things You Should Give Up to Be a Successful Artist

Every date uncovers a new discovery about the other person as emotions ricochet between uncertainty and adoration. As time goes on, however, that initial rush fades, and new love becomes a little more familiar. We instinctively know how to show our partners we care, but that gets lost as we become more comfortable in our relationship. Soon, all of that extra effort and lip service we employed at the beginning goes to the wayside as routine replaces butterflies. Healthy communication is one of the biggest obstacles couples face when it comes to building a solid, happy relationship.

Why Your Husband Isn’t Doing You A Favor By Watching The Kids

Each situation is different. Your partner may be newly diagnosed, dealing with metastatic cancer, or living in a kind of limbo, not knowing whether the cancer has regressed. Here are some general guidelines that could help you provide the kind of support your partner needs:. Although your spouse has cancer, the illness is really happening to both of you.


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  1. Teoxihuitl

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  2. Mu'adh

    Yes, the response time is important

  3. Naalyehe Y. S.

    I regret, that, I can help nothing, but it is assured, that to you will help to find the correct decision.

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